Lost in Despair
by Stephycats7785
Summary: During the last battle with the Volturi, Seth is killed. Jacob takes it upon himself to look past his own pain caused by the pain of losing the younger shifter and focus on making sure he did not lose another. Drabble
1. Chapter 1

Title: Lost in Despair  
Rating: T  
Pairing: Leah Clearwater/Jacob Black  
Summary: During the last battle with the Volturi, Seth is killed. Jacob takes it upon himself to look past his own pain caused by the pain of losing the younger shifter and focus on making sure he did not lose another. Drabble  
Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything from Twilight!  
AN: For the purpose of this story I am saying Jacob never imprinted on Nessie and Embry did instead. This is just a one-shot unless I get people who want a full blown story.

It had been a little over a month since the final battle with the Volturi occurred and for the most part things had gone back to normal, but in other ways life would never be the same. Leah Clearwater was one of the few that would never be able to go back to the way things had been and considering how crappy her life had been before, it said a lot that she wished to go back to those days. The worst part was knowing her mother hated her for not being the child who had died. At the funeral of her baby brother, the she-wolf had been physically hurt by her own mother when sue slapped her and broke her hand in the process and then verbally assaulted when what she really needed was for her mother to comfort her and tell Leah it wasn't her fault and there was nothing she could have done to stop Felix from snapping his neck when he had tried to be the hero and stop Caius from killing Irina.

Jake had been the one to confront Sue on how horrible she was treating Leah. He had been the one who followed her, after the casket was lowered in to the ground, to a nearby stream and stood there as she hit him over and over with her fists before bursting in to tears and allowing him to hold her in his arms as they fell to the ground together and he spent the night with Leah in his arms as he rocked her gently while she slept fitfully. It was the alpha who was there for her when she needed someone. Even though he was in pain from losing a pack brother he chose to look past that pain in order to help the only daughter of Harry Clearwater. By being there for Leah, Jacob knew deep down it would help him deal with his pain and guilt over the death of Seth, the one he had not been able to save because he had been much too busy making sure Bella was alright even though she was a newborn vampire and had the ability of creating a mental shield.

There were days when the young alpha thought his friend may be doing better and finally dealing with the death of Seth, but then something would happen and any progress she had made would fly out the window leaving them both at square one. Still, Jacob wasn't planning to give up anytime soon or even at all for that matter. He would keep pushing past her walls, breaking them down one by one no matter how many she put up or how strong they were. This was just something he needed to do for himself, Leah, and in the memory of Seth Clearwater. He wasn't doing this because he felt he had to, but rather because he wanted to.

"Why do you even care?" Leah snapped out one day when she happened to be in a particularly bad mood because the Cullen family had gotten permission to come on to La Push land to bring Leah and Sue a gift basket and an offer to help them with anything they may need including the cost of the funeral, as if it would bring Seth back. "I get you were friends with my brother, but he's dead now so I don't get why you're sticking around. There is nothing here for you now so just get the hell out of my life and stay away."

"I can't do that Leah." He responded quickly knowing she wouldn't want to hear what he had to say next. "Seth wouldn't want you to push everyone away. If he were still here you know as well as I do that he would-"

Jake was cut off mid sentence as the she-wolf jumped up from her position of sitting on the couch so she was almost nose to nose with Jacob Black. "It doesn't matter what he would want because he isn't here anymore. He's dead! My baby brother is dead! He is never going to come back and you know whose fault it is? It's your fault Jake, all your fault, you're the reason my brother is dead and I hate you for it! If you hadn't been so obsessed with Bella than Seth and all of the other shifters wouldn't have been recruited to fight for her. She has her own family and made her choice you and the mind rapist pretty freaking obvious since she not only married him and had a child, if you can call that thing a child, but she also gave up her human life for him and you just don't seem able to comprehend that she's just not that in to you."

"This has nothing to do with her and you know it." He told her before taking a step closer to her. "You're not really angry at me and even if you are it wouldn't compare to how much I hate myself for what happened to him. You're angry with yourself and instead of dealing with that pain you push everyone who loves you away, but I am not going to allow you to do the same thing with me."

Leah could feel her hands starting to shake. "How can I push away those who care about me when everyone I love is now dead? You really don't get it do you Jake? I have nothing left in my life to live for. The only reason I was trying to better my life was because I knew it's what Seth wanted, but now I no longer have that. I no longer have anyone to fight for. I'm without a purpose without Seth around."

The tanned male frown before suddenly wrapping her up in his arms. "You're not alone Leah; I am here and I'll always be here no matter what. I won't lose you the same way I lost Seth, I don't think I could handle it and that's why I am here, why I will always be here."

AN: This is just a drabble and I may continue it if people are interested, but if not it is a short one shot.

Please R&R like always!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything from Twilight!

Ever since the death of her younger brother Seth, Leah felt as if she had become some sort of drone. All she did was go through the motions each day and even when she did those, she felt nothing. Emotionally she was as dead as her brother and the she-wolf could care less because she felt she no longer had anything or anyone to live for. Her mother hated her and blamed her for Seth dying, she had pushed all her friends away after Sam broke her heart, Emily had betrayed her with Sam so in Leah's book she ceased to exist, her pack brothers had made it clear plenty of times they felt as if they would be better off without her, and the Cullen family were not people, well monsters, she would want to spend her time with and with all those names crossed off the list, she truly had nobody left in her life who needed or wanted her around.

Then Jacob started acting odd by following her around, checking in on her every single day, calling her in the middle of the night after she would wake up from another nightmare screaming because she had failed her brother again, and her alpha had started taking her on random errands; well she had thought they were random errands at first, but quickly realized it was his way of getting her out and back in to the world of the living. Jake hoped that by getting her out and about, it may help her find a reason to keep on living.

At first Leah wasn't bothered by his actions because she was numb emotionally and so she could tolerate his presence since she honestly did not feel anything, but as time wore on, the more Jacob kept up his mission to bring her back to reality, the more the female shape shifter started to feel again and she hated. The reason she had went catatonic with her emotions in the first place was so she wouldn't have to deal with her pain and the loss of her brother. Of course closing off her emotions meant losing the good ones as well, but in her opinion it had been worth it. Now with Jake bringing emotions back in to play, the pain was coming back twice as much as it had been before and the Quilette female knew she couldn't take it; she didn't want to deal with it and had even said as much to Jacob.

"Leah, please don't take this the wrong way, but right now I could give a rats ass about what you want or don't want because you are grieving and so you are unable to make rational choices, well that's what my dad says anyways and I have to agree with him; you are in no frame of mind to be deciding on anything." That had been his reply to her and if she hadn't been so angry then maybe she would have been understanding, yet she was angry and considering it had been Jake who wanted her to feel again, he would be her shape shifter verbal punching bag.

"It should have been you!" She screamed as her hands balled in to fists at her side. "It was supposed to be you! My brother was just a kid and because of you he is dead and nothing you or anyone else does will bring him back. You stand there and you tell me that you are here for me, but what you fail to realize is the fact I don't want your help! There is nothing you can do to make this better! At first I wanted you to die, but that would do no good; Seth would still be gone and you'd be off the hook. It's better this way, better you suffer and live with knowing my brother is dead and it is on you. If you think that by 'saving me' or whatever it is you're trying to do, will give you redemption then you are dead wrong. I hope the death of my brother haunts you for years to come and the guilt slowly eats away at your heart. I hope you feel the pain I do, the pain you and the Cullen clan created. I hope you suffer forever Jacob Black!"

After she had finished her rant, the alpha male crossed his arms over his chest as he gazed at her with his dark eyes. "Did that help? Do you feel better having taken some of your anger out on me? Do you want to scream at me some more or will you advance to punching? If it makes you feel better Leah then I say go for it. Do whatever you must in order to let out some of your emotions. It's not healthy for you to keep them bottled up so if beating on me verbally and physically helps you just do it. I told you before and I will say it again; I am here for you Leah whether you want me to be or not and I am not going anywhere so take your best shot."

For a moment he wondered if she would hit him because her fist was raised, but she let it drop back to her side as her eyes filled with tears and her bottom lip started trembling. when she spoke her words were so soft he barely heard them even with his super hearing due to being a shifter. "I want my brother back Jake. All I want is to close my eyes and then when I open them again Seth will be there standing in front of me with that smile he always wore and laughter in his eyes. What I want is to know my brother is sleeping in the next room when I get home from patrol, or waiting for me at the breakfast table so we can eat together, I want to watch him graduate high school then college, and I want to be at his wedding, but none of that is possible and it's not your fault Jake, it's mine. It should have been me, I wish it had been me, not Seth, it never should've been Seth."

TBC...

AN: So a few of you wanted to see this continued and I figured why not. I am not sure what the plot will be, but I'll come up with something I always do. Thanks to everyone who kept my stepfather in their thoughts and prayers, he is doing much better and is home now.

Please R&R like always!


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